This is not my ceiling
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
