Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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