I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
