To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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