...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
