you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
