She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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