i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
