How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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