we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
