i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
