This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
