Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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