dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
