I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
