True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
