I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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