They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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