Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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