I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
