the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
