Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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