Will you blow on my dice?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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