My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
