it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
