well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
