I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
