We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
