Whod you bang
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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