The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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