We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
