allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
