there's paper in my vomit.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
