we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
