I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
