so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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