i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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