Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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