Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Randomize
Follow @tfln