Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

it wasn't lemon gatorade

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(703): it wasn't lemon gatorade http://tfl.nu/yeyb

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(410): View more from Maryland

i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"

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(410): i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??" http://tfl.nu/civz

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

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(405): Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/ox2k

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(240): View more from Maryland

today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal

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(240): today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal http://tfl.nu/c4vg

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(573): View more from Missouri

I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.

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(573): I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it. http://tfl.nu/ikx5

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.

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(780): I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe. http://tfl.nu/j3zt

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(214): View more from Texas

Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.

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(214): Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming. http://tfl.nu/yp4i

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(703): View more from Virginia

The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.

(703): View more from Virginia

The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.

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(703): The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night. (703): The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie. http://tfl.nu/hgcg

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(216): View more from Ohio

I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose

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(216): I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose http://tfl.nu/hd86

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He sprained his penis one time

(603): View more from New Hampshire

He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis

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(603): He sprained his penis one time (603): He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis http://tfl.nu/1fye

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(607): View more from New York

Did strip banana grams actually happen last night

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(607): Did strip banana grams actually happen last night http://tfl.nu/pz66

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(631): View more from New York

He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.

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(631): He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes. http://tfl.nu/wcz4

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?

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(610): Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos? http://tfl.nu/shbv

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(775): View more from Nevada

What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running

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(775): What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running http://tfl.nu/dwtn

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(619): View more from California

You in for a dick vacation?

(1-619): View more from California

YES, even though I have no idea what that means

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(619): You in for a dick vacation? (1-619): YES, even though I have no idea what that means http://tfl.nu/ak79

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