i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.