Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
