There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.