I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?