We're facebook friends in real life
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
