A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
