I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
