why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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