There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
