why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Houston, we have a blender
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
