Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
