She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
