Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
