pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
