there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
