just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
