dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
