I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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