did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
