My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
