just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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