yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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