She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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