Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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