Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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