I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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