my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
