NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
