Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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