last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
