I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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