you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
