And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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