Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize