Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
