This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she smelled like a LAN party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
