I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
