You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
