I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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